Opening and Social Proof versus “Player in the Game”

Posted at August 2, 2009

Since I’m going out to meet and seduce women more and actually working on SPs I’ve done a bit more experimentation and then, OUTSIDE THE FIELD, analysis of what I’ve noticed versus what I expected versus what I want.

I noticed the other day I was only marginally interesting to the hot bartenders and wait staff until I started talking to cougar and the milf.

Normally, I explain this as Social Proof. It’s one of the communities favorite theories. And, it seems to explain a lot. Cialdini popularized it and the definition is people will be more likely to do what they see other people doing.

What about in the case of a normal bootcamp when guys are opening, but getting blown out or failing to get attraction… they still get more AIs after opening than when they don’t open. And, in this case you’d expect them to get blown out so much the first few times that they’d be done for the night due to all the negative social proof. But, that doesn’t happen.

So, what’s going on?

Let’s examine this a bit further…

Have you ever looked at a woman and thought it looked “hard” to approach her and you weren’t sure if you wanted to risk it. Then, some chode went and opened her and she was extremely nice to him and everything went fine. Then, you said to yourself, “Holy shit… I could do better than that chode” and you walked over and opened?

Have you ever seen a hot girl with a chode and thought, “Damn… how the fuck did he get her? I’m 10x cooler than that guy” and if you had a smooth chance you’d have attempted to flirt?

Both of the above have happened to me and others many, many times. Here’s another related question:

Did you know that guys have been blown out after approaching women, gone back in later, and had it bust wide open?

What I’m going to say is that Social Proof doesn’t explain the warm responses you get from approaching women when you’ve been seen in set OR you merge sets with pawns…

I think it has to do with how she categorizes YOU in relation to the Game being played. She’s not keying off of the ACTUAL responses of the other women (that’d be pre-selection) as much as she’s keying off the realization that you are playing the Game.

See, women know that this is a Game. The Game is find an attractive mate to have sex with!

In any game there are Players and Spectators. If you are not talking to women, approaching women or already with women then you are a Spectator until proven otherwise. (She may HOPE that you are a Player and give you AIs to find out.)

Why do AIs increase when women see you open? Simply because they realize you are a Player and so are they so it’s an invitation from one Player to another Player to engage in the Game.

What about opening sets with a woman with you? First, it demonstrates you’re a Player in two ways, the opening and you are already with a girl. Second, much like you look at a dude and think you could do better than that guy, the girl looks at the girl and does the same… except girls seem to be much more aggressive in this area than the average community male. An Hb3 WILL try to unseat a 9 or 10… whereas most dudes who feel outclassed will shy away and ask if she has any friends or something.

You are most likely missing a lot of AIs. Assume any eye contact is an AI for the time being and you’ll get a lot of real world experience around the subject. Also, many afc/PUAs have trouble with making or keeping eye contact so practice holding eye contact if you haven’t done those types of drills. Especially if this is a weak point because it just won’t be tolerated in set. If this is a weak point for you literally stare girls down until you don’t feel any pressure to look away. A few days/nights of this is usually all you need.

You can make the assumption that if you see one AI you’ve probably missed 2 or 3.

Now, this snowballs. You open a set, girls notice, they start changing their body language and giving you AIs. They look in your direction more. Other girls pick up on this… you open more, new girls pick up on it plus the old girls. Snowball.

(If you’ve ever been in a club with a celebrity or sports star you’ll notice this on steroids magnified by one hundred. You can hardly keep a woman’s attention when there’s a big celeb in proximity.)

As you move around girls will shift body language towards you. You’ll get Proximity AIs from all girl sets, etc.

(In my eCoaching bootcamp I discuss Parading girls… it’s the fastest way to warm up the entire venue. I have a saying that if you can Parade 3 times in a night you will most likely get laid. It is magical.)

Can’t this be described by Pre-Selection?

Again, only partially. See, pre-selection means the women were visibly and intensely attracted to you and the other women noticed it. We have PLENTY of examples of guys who have a lot of hot female FRIENDS who couldn’t get laid if their life depended on it. What is going on here? Well, though they are surrounded by hot girls they never show new girls they meet that they are in the game. They never show her that they know her Goals and move her across the barriers/obstacles to the win.

Don’t get me wrong Pre-Selection DOES help. But, what I’m talking about is something even before and more basic. I’m talking about girls giving AIs and becoming warm just based on her/their analysis that you are playing the same Game they are. Pre-selection comes later… it is “He’s in the same Game AND he’s obviously good at it” (Parading, which I mentioned above, activates Pre-Selection especially when multiple girls are paraded together or close together in the same night.)

EVERYBODY in the game hates wasting time. Females don’t want an opportunistic Spectator to suck up their time so they usually reserve their AIs for proven Players. Girls also intuitively know that if she can get one guy to open her then a few others will get more courage and open. Thus, more Players and more opportunity for her to win.

What about Celebrities?

Let’s analyze this a bit… Why do women like Celebrities? I can think of a bunch of reasons.

1. Money? Money doesn’t hurt BUT, it can’t ONLY be money. Pro PUAs have many, many super rich guys come to us for help. Many super rich end up as sugar daddies for hotties and those situations aren’t usually exclusive.

2. Looks? Well, women don’t have the same physiological responses to looks as men do. Their acceptable range of looks is MUCH wider and is weak enough that we can totally ignore it. (Provided your grooming and style is good). Plus, many Celebrities are dog ugly.

3. Status? A strong contributor. Society has conditioned us to treat celebs better. Even dudes want to meet other celebrity dudes.

4. An Assumed Player in the Game. This conditioning of status begins the SNOWBALL we talked about earlier. When you get the multiple girls visibly interested, the society conditioning of treating celebs as special plus the idea of bragging rights and money, then you have a lot of factors working together. It is deduced, assumed, that they are prime Players in the Game… thus, the females play all out.

The Case of the Man with Social Proof but Not a Player in the Game.

Take a guy out with 3 women. One of them is his wife, the other two are her sexy girlfriends. He has a wedding band on. Does he get massive AIs? No. He might get a few at first… some women are screwy and like to try and others may not have noticed the ring but after about an hour or two in the venue he is essentially invisible to the other Players.

I noticed this when I was out with FBs/Girlfriends. I’d get a LOT of AIs at first and after a bit I was essentially invisible again. Sure I was with a hot girl (social proof idea) BUT it was pre-empted because the girls realized I wasn’t in the Game.

So, I put the idea of Social Proof on the backburner as something that, while valid, only partially described what was happening and opt instead for the fuller idea of Player in the Game. It better describes what actually occurs in the field. Spectators, Players, Winners, Obstacles and Goals.

This also helps to mesh Sexual Framing with some of the more standard MM structured approach. Though, I usually avoid the standard Peacocking, Pawning, Social Proof/DHV routines (ex. the routine where you show you with pics with hot girls, doing cool shit, hanging with cool people), with this idea they start to make sense together.

When I open and start Sexual Framing I’m demonstrating I’m a Player in the Game… that we are both playing the same Game, that I value her Game Goal (finding a guy who can make her feel sexy and sexual) and I’m willling to carry it home (so to speak! haa).

Since I’ve gotten good at opening one or two sets, hooking and staying in for the long haul the other girls notice it… if the set busts or unravels, many girls in the vicinity have noticed the deep sexual attraction between me and the other girl and have me pegged. Opening any girl who witnessed that makes my set go that much easier.

She isn’t looking for Value or Social Proof, she’s looking for the man in her near Vicinity who is the best Player in the Game.

If you understand this it will lessen your worry about people seeing a set go bad. It won’t matter, by opening you’ll show everyone else you’re in the game.

Captain Jack

P.S. You should also feel less pressure from others watching you open because Spectators don’t count! And,  Male Players are too busy playing to notice or care! In fact, if anything they’re probably thinking of allying with you to give both of you better chances to win.

More on “The Game Dynamics”

Opening and Social Proof versus “Player in the Game”
Game Dynamics and Player in the Game = Elegance
Player States of Existence and Nested Games

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