What’s this Pick-up Thing REALLY About?
Louise Hay, Author of
Hey CJ,
First of all, I hope you’re enjoying the holidays!
I am reading Louise Hay’s book “you can heal your life”.
In that book she wrote “we are afraid of intimacy and allowing anyone to get too close, so we have anonymous sex.”
Well this got me thinking about something that I thought about before, which is that a lot of people in the community (instructors) rarely seem to get involved in long term relationships.
Which made me wonder why.It wouldn’t surprise me if this is one of the underlying reasons, and if so that is a big issue.
Offcourse it’s cool that guys learn how to attract beautiful women.But, it’s much more fulfilling to find a wonderful woman who you enjoy spending time with outside of the bedroom as well.
Don’t you think that’s the ultimate goal of pick up? to find a girl that truly enriches your life and makes you happy?
And that if there’s something like fear of intimicy that stops guys from really getting involved with a girl, it should be something the community focusses upon as well?
I think that the community needs to come full circle by looking beyond the SNL’s and mLTR’s.
Please share your thoughts.Peace,
Blog Reader
First off, glad to see you are reading NON-community stuff. Good move. 99% of the stuff in the community is pure crap. Especially the stuff about meeting and picking up women. AND, ALL of the stuff about Inner Game. Clueless.
(Except my stuff, of course, my stuff is golden.)
So, let’s take what you quoted from Hay: “we are afraid of intimacy and allowing anyone to get too close, so we have anonymous sex.”
It’s important to realize that almost anything of the form “We are…”, “I am…”, “People are…” is a generalization.
And, it probably has more to do with the speaker than “reality.” When someone writes or talks about a subject they are giving out their map of the world.
It’s how they see things BECAUSE of what they believe.
You can ONLY see what is inside you. You can only see the contents of your own mind.
To translate… Hay is PROBABLY saying, “If I was afraid of intimacy and allowing anyone to get too close, I’d have anonymous sex.”
Or, “The only way I could have anonymous sex is to not get intimate or let them get too close.”
Got that? Mull it over a bit. This realization will change your life.
When you get that you can really start accepting and loving others because you realize no one is really wrong. They are right from their own viewpoint, because their belief plays out in their experience.
Does it HAVE to be that way for them? No. We know that by changing their belief they can experience something entirely different.
Now, to your next statement:
Of course, it’s cool that guys learn how to attract beautiful women.
But, it’s much more fulfilling to find a wonderful woman who you enjoy spending time with outside of the bedroom as well.
Really? Much more fulfilling for who? Remember, you are talking about yourself.
Notice how you are projecting just like Hay does?
Nothing wrong in that… we all do it. It’s how we’re designed. The place where people mess themselves up is when they believe it is the objective reality and it should be that way for everyone. That their experience is the RIGHT way and how it should be… and anyone who doesn’t follow that way is somehow wrong.
Your next question seems to head in that direction:
Don’t you think that’s the ultimate goal of pick up? to find a girl that truly enriches your life and makes you happy?
You are making a HUGE mistake here. Do you notice how you are giving the power over your own happiness to something outside of yourself?
“a girl that…makes you happy?”
Why not be happy anyway?
A lot of people get scared thinking that if they were happy for no reason at all they wouldn’t do shit, would fail and then die. (Not on the surface but if you keep digging you’ll find fear of death is ultimately behind all of your fears.)
Not true. When you are happy you can do more, you cut out the stupid shit you do trying to get happy or avoid bad feelings, and you are generally more positive and feel better so you can focus more and make the best decisions.
Your question is also leading down the road of “Shouldn’t it be this way for everyone?”
Here’s my thinking about this…
This whole Pick-up thing is really about freedom.
Freedom to CHOOSE what kind of relationship you want (or don’t want) to have with women you choose.
You want to rack up lots of SNLs with girls you’ve only known a few hours. Cool.
You get tired of that want a girlfriend for awhile. Cool.
You want to get married. Cool.
Want to chill out, do your own thing and not have sex at all. Cool.
It’s about being able to CHOOSE without the burden of society and past programming making you feel guilty about it.
The difference is it is all “more real” because you are choosing it WITHOUT the influence of your past programming.
CJ
P.S. How would I bang that old lady? Lots of heart melters… elicit how she “knows” someone and fill in the blanks through stories, all the while in a Sexual Frame having to do with connections and freedom.
P.P.S. The Sexual Framing 4-Part Teleseminar is about half filled. Sign up now so you, too, can get the FREEDOM to choose…
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Now, to your next statement:
“Of course, it’s cool that guys learn how to attract beautiful women.
But, it’s much more fulfilling to find a wonderful woman who you enjoy spending time with outside of the bedroom as well. Really? Much more fulfilling for who? Remember, you are talking about yourself.”
Finally.
Someone unafraid to speak their own truth.
Good to see some classical working practice as well. Nobody talks about eliciting values anymore, and it's critical. In fact, it's critical even in a committed relationship.
“When you are happy you can do more, you cut out the stupid shit you do trying to get happy or avoid bad feelings, and you are generally more positive and feel better so you can focus more and make the best decisions.”
So true and just when I needed some good life coaching.
Captain Jacks got skeeeelz!
just a question, since you say most most of the community's book list id crap what kind of books do you enjoy reading. And if there are what are some books that changed the way live?
-Matt k
ew, banging her? …. I liiiike…. how much ? ;] but seriously, I get the zen-ness of this article.
I hit an epiphany.
Look down a few and you'll see two posts about that, “Just Say Yes” and 5 Profound Volumes.
Whooops… This was meant in response to “Matt”'s comment.
I don't like the moralizing tone of Louise Hay. Of course she is only talking from her perspective, and from what would seem to be good for women. On the other hand, it is indeed an issue for a lot of community guys that they learn to pick-up women fairly consistently, and yet, they fail over and over again to keep them around, whether as FB or as (m)LTR.
wow, that was really a powerful post! loving it!
this is why sinn keeps talking about your ninja powers. amazing concept!
I think a big part in developing your own beliefs is through experience and observation. You see a lot of guys that just get stuck with reading about other peoples experiences and take that as gospel for how things are for themselves, without ever walking down that road themselves.
It's funny that you also pointed out the 'Happiness' thing. If you really look, no one is 100% happy, unless their on drugs. I think most of out lives are spent chasing happiness. But do you ever get there? That's not to say that everyone is miserable either, though.
Also, I like what you said about 'past programing'. I think that also ties into experience and seeing the world through your own eyes. After all, the way we 'program' ourselves today, will one day be considered 'past programing'.
Alot of guys get into this 'PUA' thing thinking that all their problems with women will be solved. They don't realize how many stones they may have to turn over, and that they actually learn more about themselves than with women. Which is probably best.
Even when you think you're 'good' at this, you'll still probably experience failure. But that's what makes you that much better in the end.
This is a good topic and can get pretty deep.
“When someone writes or talks about a subject they are giving out their map of the world.”
Yes, indeed. What a great way to put it.
This is exactly what A Course in Miracles teaches: “There is nothing outside you. That is what you must ultimately learn, for it is the realization that the Kingdom of Heaven is restored to you.”
That's why my nickname for it is “God's Ultimate Guide to Inner Game.”
cheers,
Erika from http://www.awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com
Of course she’s making a generalization with that statement.
However, that doesn’t have to mean that she’s merely talking about herself.
It could also be inductive reasoning, based on her observations.
You have made a good point though, that when one speaks in general terms it's quite possible that they're actually talking about themselves.
Of course she’s making a generalization with that statement.
However, that doesn’t have to mean that she’s merely talking about herself.
It could also be inductive reasoning, based on her observations.
You have made a good point though, that when one speaks in general terms it's quite possible that they're actually talking about themselves.