JUST Be Yourself
Bet you’ve never heard that one, have you? Haaa….
Women’s magazines and “mainstream, clorox-bleached” dating gurus often say it… Hell, I’ve even heard girls say it after debriefing them.
Are they all wrong?
Well, yes (mainly because they disagree with me)…
AND NO!
You see, from the Females’ viewpoint, when she HAS been picked up that’s exactly how it appeared to her.
Let me give you the run down of how these things happen in “real” life:
Some dude was just being himself and chatting her and as he was she thought to herself, “I’m horny, he’s not weirding me out… I should start sending him signals.”
So, she twirls her hair. Thrusts her chest (or ass) out. Plays with her hair. Touches his arm. Laughs at all of his “jokes.” Leans into him…
Of course, he completely misses all of her signals and concentrates on saying something funny or cool.
At some point, usually after she’s given up all hope of getting laid that night, he thinks. “Damn, this chick has been talking to me for nearly an hour. I wonder if she likes me? Probably not, but I should try to get her email or something anyway.”
He gets her email or phone number. Then chases her for a few weeks trying to take her to dinner or a movie. She hasn’t been laid in weeks (or months) and she is super horny and the batteries have run out on her vibrator, so finally, she decides the offer of a movie and dinner for free is the perfect way to try to get laid without scaring the guy off or being considered a slut.
She responds to his 5th voice mail.
Eventually, they kiss.
A few weeks later they have sex.
See that? To her, he was just being himself. And, she eventually had sex with him. The massive amount of TIME he spent resulted in her having feelings of familiarity with him. The sex hormones combined to create a feeling of relationship.
Her experience based conclusion? He was just being himself, he got laid.
Now, what about the One-Night Stand or quicker lays?
Usually the same thing just compressed a bit.
Now, let’s take another facet of this…
When have girls been hurt and pissed off by guys? When the guys MISLED or LIED to them. So, when guys were “just being themselves” the girls got sex and/or a boyfriend… when they weren’t they got USED or found out they had been lied to!
What’s the lesson here?
The lesson is simple: Do the LEAST amount of work necessary to get laid AND be upfront about your intentions. This doesn’t (necessarily) mean you announce your intentions but if she is getting the wrong idea or trying to set a frame that you have no intention of maintaining nip that shit in the bud.
You want to be smooth?
The SOONER you start stripping shit out of your game the better. If you feel like you are working your ass off in set, it probably shows and then you are not matching her mental template of “a guy just being himself.” This scares her BECAUSE it is associated with past pain and rejection.
After a few months of steady progress using the same basic game plan, strip shit out. See how LITTLE you can do to get the same results.
Play.
Experiment.
For Example: Dump your “standard” openers for awhile. Go out for a few nights and say “Hi” and make small talk for a minute or two before introing your first major Piece.
Another exercise: See if you can small talk your way all the way to a TimeBridge.
Experiments like this lead to pure smoothness.
~ Captain Jack ~
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See Related Posts
- Force*21 [17.3389]
- Sticking Point Analysis [12.2634]
- Creation of Pick-up Ability Part 2 [10.6967]
- Same Night Lays and Evaporating Clouds [8.81755]
- I Think I Made A Stripper Cry [8.52953]
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CJ is alive!!! You need to post more!
Nonetheless, less is more.
Hey CJ, just started reading your blog, love your articles.
I've been gaming for a while but have always gone 'natural', no routines, so I totally feel you on this post. However, I think having some routines would make my game even better, as you also said in a few posts back (6 steps to Ninja Calibration), have a game plan.
So I have learned a few routines, but I would like your advice on how to build your own game plan or what routines you would deem unmissable or at least extremely effective?
Thanks and much love,
Twister
I like this way of looking at the whole “just be yourself” concept. You're basically making a Less is More type of argument. This makes a lot of sense to me, kind of like a complex piece of machinery. The more parts and gears you have in it, the more likely it's going to break down.
Ninja post !
Personally when I over do it on flash game it goes no where and nearly always flakes… Any normal pals I have who get laid a lot are very cool and subtle in set. No bouncing off the walls, at least not after they have the chicks attention. I have best results when I'm just not saying anything stupid and escalating.
“Start stripping shit out of your game.” The fact that this comes from one of the best out there with scripted material is awesome to see! It also proves you've got it all covered.
Guys often hide behind routines because they're afraid of putting their self-esteem out there. They're actually afraid of being vulnerable. It takes real courage to be totally genuine.
Keep 'em comin', Dr. Asian Rake.
Nice…
I like the fact that you mentioned being upfront….
It's EVEN MORE effective than lying. (Because no one does it)
I remember one time I was over at a woman's place – we had just met – and she asked me how many women I was dating…
After a little struggle, I decided “what the hell” and told her the truth…
“Right now I'm hanging out with 3 women… not including you”
Her response: “WOW, I never thought you'd have the balls to say that”
The funny thing… it didn't hinder ANYTHING.
If anything, it probably helped speed it up.
So there you go: Never lie… and don't apologize for what you want….
… you'll get much more respect.
Awesome post…
Absolutely, awesome post! I have been reading the blog for some time and there is always good information here. I appreciate it CJ.
That is great Captain….my game actually got worse with Mystery stuff, routines, finger length crap, ect….I did better with basic cocky & funny and just being me which is a funny guy….my percentages were not that great but it was better then than now….thank you for the article…
Dear Captian,
I am a beautiful woman….and I mean beautiful…I have this problem all the time…a guy walks up to me …I am attracted to him…I do just what you say push my chest out, twirll my hair, laugh touch him…then he starts to babble and I stare in to space….Girls just want to get laid…I am tired of listening to portfolio & car crap…I have my own portfolio and my own sports car…I also need help with the FB thing….I have one well kinda…but I think he thinks..I may like him for more….I am excited as this is a way to solve not getting laid problem….he does give the business….but I call because I am excited…and I want it from him…thats all I want….REALLY…so do the don't call him rules apply to a FB….I don't want to scare him away…finally got one…and BTW I am working on more so I don't call the one obsessively…..it's like a new toy when you first get it all you want to do is take it out of the box and play with it….
I also think you need to school the men on …just because she is beautiful…she needs it too and does not mean she is getting it…Ugly girls seem to get it more…pay attention to the beautiful ones…they really need it…
Please help Captian!
gneyes
The one impression I DON'T want people to get is I'm jumping on the “You don't need Techniques, just be yourself” bandwagon that (almost) gained a lot of traction a year or two ago.
My take on it is a little different.
You START with a linear Game Plan because it shows you very quickly REAL WORLD proof of where you are fucking up.
Then, you keep refining your Game Plan based on the feedback, progressively improving.
Without this feedback you won't improve.
The “be yourself” guys don't have students with proven track records.
~ CJ ~
The one impression I DON'T want people to get is I'm jumping on the “You don't need Techniques, just be yourself” bandwagon that (almost) gained a lot of traction a year or two ago.
My take on it is a little different.
You START with a linear Game Plan because it shows you very quickly REAL WORLD proof of where you are fucking up.
Then, you keep refining your Game Plan based on the feedback, progressively improving.
Without this feedback you won't improve.
The “be yourself” guys don't have students with proven track records.
~ CJ ~