Lay Report: The Power of Drunk-n-Lonely Texting

Posted at October 20, 2008

For those of you unfamiliar with Captain Jack’s “Drunk and Lonely Theory of Texting” here’s an excerpt from LR: Cantalopes:

It’s closing time so Sinn and I roll out. I send my standard text to HBs who I’ve timebridged. “Hi sexy lady, where you at?”

This is my “Drunk and Lonely Theory.” Here’s the theory:

Point 1. Women go out to get laid.
Point 2. 99.9% of guys’ game sucks.
Point 3. A female CANNOT have sex with a guy she is not attracted to. Due to Point 2 she is sexually frustrated.
Point 4. At 2:30 am the girl is at home, sexually frustrated, drunk and lonely.

This is the best time to send a text.

So one of my friends is in town from London and we’ve just finished a night of Gaming. We’re at the local Steak-n-Shake and I’m going over a few technical points with him… His body language is perfect. He spins the girl. He locks in. He can stay in set pretty much as long as he wants to. He’s already got pretty good game but I notice a few things that will help him skyrocket in the next few months and I’m giving him the breakdown.

After that I begin my usual thread about how females are sexual beings. That they want sex and they are extremely frustrated. Then, I tell him about Drunk-n-Lonely Texting…

He ran a pretty good two-set and he TimeBridged her. Her friend was really hot, too, but I don’t wing so he’s forced to handle them all by their lonesome.

I have him text her and this is how it went down (I had him email me the text message exchange):

IrishPUA : Hey Sexy (notice the complexity of this text message I had him send!!! haaa)

Hotel Girl : Hey!!

IrishPUA: Where you at?

Hotel Girl : Plano

IrishPUA : :(

Hotel Girl : Why the sad Face?

IrishPUA : I’m not really tired, we should hang out

Hotel Girl : I’m in Plano @ a hotel

IrishPUA : Come see me

Hotel Girl : Come see me!!

IrishPUA : What hotel?

Hotel Girl : X inn I-XX and X-Street

IrishPUA : Ok sexy what room number?

Hotel Girl : 214 you coming

IrishPUA : My friend is dropping me off, be there in 20

Hotel Girl : K

Hotel Girl : Where you at?

Now, this is NOT a rare occurence. I do this quite often. Remember, they went out for SOMETHING and they didn’t get it! But, out of the blue, comes a man… A man with balls… A man who LIKES them and wants to make them feel good!

By going to bang her you are making the world a better place! She will feel less frustrated, more feminine and satisfied. This means she’ll be nicer to everyone around her the next day. All of those people will be happier that a girl was nicer to them than usual… Puppies and babies will be happy.

It’s a giant ripple effect!

Back to our story… She calls as we are nearing the exit. He tells me it sounded like someone else was in there.

Hmmm…

I have to make a decision. Do I have him go it alone for experience’s sake? Or, do I roll in so I can occupy the friend to give him more chances to escalate.

We debate a bit and then I decide to throw it back to the girls. I have him text her something like, “Do you want my friend to come in too?”

She says, “Sure.”

We go in. The obstacle is hotter than I remember. This is a good thing. She has nice blue eyes, is skinny with big tits and that long wavy type hair I dig.

My friend immediately lays down on his Target’s bed. I sit towards the edge of the obstacle’s bed and we begin chatting.

To make a long story short I elicit her values, run the cosmo pattern and two other standard pieces. I do a few kino tests and she is responsive.

At one point she says she’s going to sleep and turns and lays on her pillow facing me. I touch her hand and she looks at me with a submissive look (don’t know how else to describe it). I grab her hand and she interlocks her fingers with mine. I whisper, “Come closer.” she inches forward a bit on her pillow and I kiss her.

From there I did a lot of whispering in between kissing, saying things like:

“This will be our secret.”

“Don’t worry they have no idea what’s happening over here.”

“They’re making out, too. So, this is ok.”

She kept saying stuff like, “We have to be good. I have a date tomorrow night.”

I’d respond, “Since nobody else knows about this, it technically never happend.”

I put my hand down the back of her sweats and wrap all the way around her tiny ass and touch her pussy. Super wet. I begin fingering it and she’s breathing heavy.

After a minute of that I put her hand on my cock and say, “Look what you’ve done to me.” She starts rubbing it and slowly moving her hips.

She turns around puts her ass on it. I pull down her sweats slowly. She wiggles her hips and I push it in.

At one point I was slowly fucking her from behind and she was trying to pretend like nothing was happening and still trying to talk to her friend in the other bed. Haa.

She said, “We shouldn’t be doing this, but I’m going to cum…” and that made me get close to coming and then I realized I didn’t have a condom on!!!

I put one on and re-entered.

But, with the other girl interrupting I never really got to tear it up. Oh well, another time.

My friend got LMR. In hindsight I realized that she wanted to know if WE were fucking because if we were then she would’ve given in. I believe this because several times my friend’s Target tried to use code phrases and shit to ask her friend if we were or had fucked but my girl missed them and so did I.

Then again on Sat. night I used Drunk-n-Lonely texting to pull a tall, hot, innocent looking girl. I was pooped from thurs and friday but got bored sat. night around midnight so I headed to a local venue.

I opened my second set (first set was a no-go) at 1:40a.m. and talked with her till closing. I opened her by saying,

CJ: “Hi, I noticed you from over there and I wanted to come meet you but you had all these guys all over you.”

TallHottie: “I know. It’s not usually like that.”

I felt like I wanted to tell her why but refrained because it wouldn’t have led anywhere. But, I’ll tell you guys. She was with one of her friends who was all over a guy she’s been seeing for about a month. With her friend so occupied she looked bored so she might as well have been a single AND she was at the end of the bar giving guys the perfect opportunity to open her from her right side without having to engage the guy-girl seated on her left.

From there I made some small talk and then stacked strawberry fields with rings-on-fingers. She got EXTREMELY curious/intrigued when I talked about the Non-Judgmental finger. But, when I interlaced the “sexually aggressive” finger with the amount of strawberries she ate she said,

TallHottie: “Well, I’m a good girl. I go to church.”

Haa.

I ignored that statement. Tell her she’s cool AND extremely sexy and Hookah TimeBridge.

Cosmo pattern and the lights come on. But, she is entranced and stands there for a second just staring at me.

Her friend nudges her and they all smile and walk off.

Good thing I got her number…

Text message, 2:05 am.

CJ: “Hey sexy, it’s semi-handsome CJ. Where u at?”

TallHottie: “In my car, where r u?”

CJ: “In my car too. Come see me.”

TallHottie: “Where?”

CJ: “Best Buy parking lot.”

About that time I get a text message from the girl I closed thursday night: “Come see me!!!” — Damnit. I want to bang her again because she’s fucking hot and I feel like I have unfinished business since I didn’t get to let loose on her big tittied skinny ass.

But, in the battle between Already Banged Vagina and New Vagina, New Vagina always wins.

The Tallhottie rolls up next to me and smiles. I get out of the PirateMobile and hop in her car. I say, “Gosh, I wish I would’ve met you earlier.”

We small talk for another 5 minutes and then I say, “I don’t think I’m going to sleep for a few hours. I’m not tired at all. Do you like Wedding Crashers or Old School?”

TallHottie: “Yes, I like both of them but I have only seen parts of Old School.”

CJ: “Cool, let’s go watch them at my place.”

She says “Ok” and just like that we’re off.

Unfortunately, she gives me LMR so no close BUT hopefully this gives you an idea of Drunk-n-Lonely and prompts you to begin trying it. Get the TimeBridge in every set possible and around 15-20 minutes after closing simply text, “Hey sexy” and see what happens.

After several years of doing this I’m STILL amazed it’s this easy. Try it, you’ll like it.

Captain Jack

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Attract Women, Dating Tips for Men, Lay Report, Lay Reports, Logistics, Same Night Lays, Seduce Women

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