A Dirty Little Secret and Mental Modeling
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Hola PUAs,
After listening to that Bandler audio clip I started to take more notice of what I’m cueing off of in field and what my internal dialogue is when considering an approach.
The results were surprising (for me) because if I had sat down and thought about it outside of the environment/situation I would’ve gotten it wrong.
So, if you’re game, I’d like to do a little experiment. Post what you think you say inside your head before approaching in a comment here… and then pay attention to the things you actually say when you go out tonight (or this weekend) and see if there’s a difference. Then, come back and post another comment about what you discovered.
CJ
P.S. The “Dirty Little Secret” will be in Part 2 of this post.
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I’ve done this experiment before.
My thoughts are that I’m not the type of guy that the hot girl would dig if I approach.
My actual thoughts ar, I’m paralyzed, I’ve done stuff before, but I’ve never put my balls on the line despite me feeling the fear, and since I feel the fear, it’s probably not going to go as I would like it to.
When I actually manage to approach, my thoughts are…nothing. When I think, I end up not doing it.
My name is Ryan and here is what I believe to be my initial thought before I approach an HB. Honestly;
Day game thoughts:
“Wow, she looks cute… she smiled at me… time to go say Hi and see what her day is like”
For me, I don’t waste time chasing girls anymore. If she isn’t investing in me, I move on from her immediately. I take ABUNDANCE to a whole new level, and this happens to INCREASE attraction usually because I just move on and then the girl is thinking “wtf”.
I wait for an approach invitation. If I don’t get one, I force one. It’s something I’ve learned to do… and I could teach but not through text on here. And I do this during the day. Part of this is how I look at girls.
My night game thoughts are:
“Holy shit, she’s gorgeous! Too bad she is with like 5 friends… If I go talk to them and fuck up I’ll look like such a loser”
That is actually what I think at night at bars
I don’t drink… so I suffer from some pretty bad AA. And I haven’t really had a crazy night of doing lots of bar approaches as my school just started and I need to start on the right foot. But, the first 2 nights out I got 5 numbers and 2 dates out of those 5. I am currently dating 1 of those girls now, and have been for about 2 weeks.
But honestly if RIGHT when I walk into a bar if I immediatly open anyone near me I steamroll the entire night, but if I chode around with my friends I think the above comment.
Thats how it works for me,
Ryan
Will let you know man.
Don’t you guys have this thing called intuition? where you don’t think about the words you’re going to say … they just come … literally out of nowhere …
the link to that bandler thingy does not work.
can you tell us what is the name of the product it is on and we can search for it that way?
thank you.
@a girl who cares:
About Intuition. The answer is No. Guys get into this BECAUSE when they just walk over and start talking it doesn’t go well.
Often, it goes POORLY.
Intuition is the result of accumulated experiences, both positive AND negative.
But, what if MOST of your experiences haven’t worked? Then, your intuition is wrong and ineffective.
CJ
Shit, I hope this goes well…Fuck it let’s do it.
Or, when I don’t approach: “That girl is too hard to approach because of XYZ.”
OR
“Damn, that girl is hot, she won’t want me”
My first set of the night- “Gotta get this out the way.” Then “Wow… That wasnt so bad”
Rest of the night- “Time to have fun”
DG- “She is cute” Then go
9/10- “She has a Bf/ is a gold digger ect”
*New link*
“Rule #76: Play to win, cause spectators dont count!”
~JaviEr Francios~
“I should approach that girl, mmm I don’t really feel like it though. I really should, I need to get this handled. She’s not even that hot, now I’m just being picky. What am I going to say though? Jealous girlfriend? nah that’s old and shit. I’ll just go and say ‘hey I’m out meeting people’. Yeah but I don’t feel like it. I just have to do it. What do I say after that though? I dunno just wing it.”
Then either:
“fuck it lets get this over with”
or
“nah I don’t feel like it, I’ll do it later”
Thinking about it now I might even have the pro-approach voice as a 3rd person, eg “you just need to do it”. I’ll post again if I remember next time I approach.
@ regarding pre-approach thoughts.
I have 2 states. one is I am self- conscious of what I am doing, then my AA gets really high. I am thinking that the sarge won't go well. Also I notice that my social state where verbal ability is primed is missing. Once I get into a talkative state where I am joking around with friends, I don't think much about approaching. I just do it. No thoughts. No loop in mind.
There is a playful energy etc.
Now, yesterday I was trying to post a link so I can explain in detail about what I found in my experiments on AA. But looks like the link was messed up. Anyway, i think its easier to post my thoughts here.
I have been sarging for a while, and I used to drown AA by drinking.
That aside, I was very out going till I was 18. After that I started getting shy and got very introverted. This was strange to me & yet I couldn't force myself. Do understand that I was confused about it earlier, and now that I understand what was going on earlier, I am able to express what happened.
Anyway, It took me a while and tons of approaches & reading up on eastern philosophy/thinking that changed my perspective.
What I found out is, Ok, at any given time, our nervous system as a whole can be thought of as a dynamic unit. Like it can be weak or strong etc. Lets give it a scale. (1..10 scale)
A person with a strong nervous system may be at 10.
So a 10 will be courageous, confident etc
A weak one at 1. So a 1 will be extremely nervous & fearful. This is common with people having high Social Anxiety.
They refuse to come out of thier homes and meet strangers etc..
Now 1 is a diseased state. 10 is healthy. Now what I found was when mine was on the weak end of the scale.
I notice I flutuate from 3 to 5. With Alocohol I can get to 7 & up.
When I do Yoga, I go to 5. Otherwise I am at 3. When I am at 3, I start sweating, become shy, try to avoid social interaction etc
you can also look at the scale like this
Fear (1) …………………………….Courage(10)
Now if your mind is at a 7, then your negative thoughts will be low.
At 10, they will totally disappear.
So at 6, you will be fighting them etc
What is interesting is, based on your constitution and your current state of health, your nervous system changes.
Since I am currently unhealthy, I notice I pretty much stay at 3/4.
Bottom line, what I wish to say is, trying to look at thought structure is one thing.
Looking at how the nervous system behaves based on general health is another.
I hope I am able to convey my understanding on it.
please shoot any questions that you have.
@Frances
One more thing that I want to share.. and kinda like the core point is,,
that our mind (thinking part) & the nervous system are constantly pinging each other, influencing each other. The stronger one shows up in the end. So in a healthy individual the stronger nervous system wins when confronted by social pressure.
- Frances
OK. I tried this CJ :
after 3 days I came up with this
DAY GAME PROBLEM : I see her cute and all, then this comes up in my head.as Im apparoching:
“Im done I have already creepd her out.she gonna want to know why im even talking to her. FUCK!”
Night game:I read your post on giving yourself esteem cause I get AMOG’d alot.So It progressed to this thinking:
“It is practice and thats what they are here for,If I miss ,so what,even the best guys start off warming up”
Wow, everyone’s so complicated..
I just say “I’m here to have a great time, and spread fun like wildfire. If you’re cool, you can have some fun with me too..” and it works great. I’m all over the place talking to everyone and having a good time, which just makes me more visible and makes other people want to talk to me more. Night game is a snap.
Day game on the other hand.. I just psych myself out. I’m thinking “She’s hot.. but I have nothing to say. I guess I’ll just keep reading my book/working on my laptop and checking her out from here..”.
If you have high AA one solution I found was to just run the opener with no intent to continue. If she seems interesting or talkative you’ll have a desire to continue and everything will go well. If she spits the answer then you should try to avoid this kind of girls in the beginning.
Night game:
If you’re afraid after opening then say something more after the opener, use a true time constraint, make acquaintance and leave. After 40 minutes return (eventually with some friends) in the nearby area notice her and introduce your friends (or approach alone with something like “still here …, stack”). You’ll seem like a friendly guy this way.