Motivation Dissipation

Posted at August 16, 2007

This sucks.

Anyone who has read my pick-up archives knows I’ve struggled with severe Approach Anxiety most of my PUA life (strike that most of my LIFE). I’ve had month long stretches where I’ve had none. And, other months where it was so strong that going to open a set was like walking through a swamp off molasses while crows were trying to peck my heart and eyes out.

Curiously many PUAs who start off without AA often get it after several months of gaming. We think this is because their social intuition has increased so they somehow get the understanding that a cold approach is out of the norm.

When I’m on a bootcamp I can do it because there is a higher purpose, a reason. The reason is I WANT these new PUAs to see what is possible. I want them to SEE firsthand the shit that we write about is for real and (finally) within their grasp. That motivates me.

I’m going to write out what my motivation for pick-up was during different periods of my gaming and then I’ll tell you about the recent developments in my AA.

When I first stumbled onto the name Mystery on fastseduction.com I couldn’t find that much information about his system. His website was down and I suspect I found out about him was when he was in the mental hospital or somewhere about that time.

I finally managed to find a post where he deconstructed his system in fine detail but I misunderstood it.

Here’s how I did my first 50 or more sets.

Complete Story 1
Neg
Complete Story 2
Neg
Complete Story 3
Neg
Isolation attempt

Ok, the absolute newness of the idea that I could actually TALK to the girls at the bars managed to keep my AA at bay. The discovery that I could go up to a group at a bar with a Game Plan was even better than when I stumbled onto my daddy’s Playboy magazines at the tender age of 6 and saw a knockout beautiful woman completely nude thus discovering what a raging boner was…

When I signed up for my first Mystery Method BootcampI set up a plan to do as many approaches BEFORE the bootcamp as I could. I remember my goal being 250 sets. I can’t remember how many I did but I know I did a lot. My approach anxiety seemed to ramp up with each new set.

Then, at the bootcamp it manifested in all its glory. I was frozen. I looked at a super hot 3 set at Light in Vegas and fear seemed to replace the blood in my veins. Savoy must’ve noticed because he gave me a shocked look and said, “Go!” and then put two hands on my back and shoved me into the set. I was still stumbling when I got into their group.

It went well enough. They didn’t pull out a knife or mace. None of them threw their drink on me. Didn’t get slapped.

But, the logic and the mental knowledge didn’t keep the AA at bay.

On the 8th set of the night I decided I was going to take this shit as far as I could, mainly because the thought of opening another set sent a shiver of dread throughout my body.

I got laid.

After the amazement that you could actually approach girls faded, my Second motivation was my new found freedom (got divorced). I felt like I had just won the lottery of vagina and all I had to do was go and get it.

The idea of fresh, new hotness propeled me past my AA for nearly a year. I still had it but it was overcome by visions of hot women writhing in my bed. Asians, Latins, Black girls, Brunettes, Redheads, Blondes. I wanted one of each. I wanted tall, short, thick, model thin, exotic, girl next door. Gimme, Gimme, Gimme some Fresh!!!

Then, my AA battled it out with a deeper issue of NOT being in the in-crowd in High School and feeling like I couldn’t match them socially. After I got really good my motivation took the form of “Not cool? Watch me bang all these girls! haaa!”

Finally, I went on a stint of Mastery. I figured I am going to want to fuck for the rest of my life. I gotta get good at this and it is really fun!

My AA has been back in full force in the last 2 months. Strange because I had 7 new lays in July and 6 of those were cold-approach Same Night Lays. Does that sound like the results of someone who has extreme AA?

Well, yes, but only if the following is true.

1. He has near-ESP like calibration skills. I used my elite understanding of groups, bodylanguage and social situations to understand the BEST sets to approach and the best point to approach them. I stacked the deck in my favor by picking my spots. It’s paid off well as you can see.

2. He has a good Wing (Sinn)

3. He has ninja mind control when he gets in isolation (haaa). If I get a girl one-on-one (especially if I opened the set) she is going to want to make the double-backed beast with me. I can’t remember the last girl I got into full isolation with that I didn’t lay. (Strike that, yes I do. But, she turned out to be legitimately psycho and she still calls and texts me.)

If I opened 6 sets per night I could most likely turn in consistent 12-15 lay months.

So, my AA sucks ass. What to do? Well, I could say fuck it and be in pain everytime I go out. Not my thing. I’ve done that for the last year or so and I hate it. I can’t imagine doing this with this level of AA for another few years.

Or, I could get help. I wrote a post not to long ago about “God Helps Those Who…” and another post called “The Tools-Skills Mindset.”

With those two things in mind I signed up with sessions with a therapist who specializes in cutting edge methods.

The first session was mind-blowing. We identified something that happened back in High School were a hot chick in the in-crowd rejected me. I had no idea how much or how far reaching the impact of that 5-10 minute slice of my life had on me but as the tapestry of this event began to unravel and we followed the threads, I discovered I had actually made SEVERAL decisions only after wondering what she would want me to do. Now, I’ve had NO contact with her other than being in the same class but “her” effect lingered and affected other aspects of my life. How WEIRD is that!!!

So, we took care of that shit and BAM! no more approach anxiety. Only, there’s a small problem. The way I used to motivate myself in field was through this dynamic tension technique of having my AA battle it out with my desire to approach.

They’d fight it out and one of two things would happen:

1. At some point I’d snap and say “fuck this!” and I’d open.
2. At some point I’d snap and say “fuck this!” and get stupid drunk.

Now, that those aren’t there to battle it out I feel like a ghost inside the club. I have no pain to motivate me but there’s also no pleasure.

So I stand there. Emotionless. About the only way to explain it is when you have a cold and you take Nyquil and you just kind of sit there like a zombie.

Weird thing is I’ve been getting a LOT of AI’s. More than I’ve ever gotten before.

When the “prove yourself” and “get back at your past” and “want to be recognized as a great pua” and all those other motivations are dissipated, why do I want to do this?

I’m seeing the therapist again next Monday. So, between now and then I’ve gotta figure out.

How can I build a HEALTHY motivation that propels me to approach?

~ CJ ~

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