Half Digested Potato Wedges
You can read Sinn’s version here.
We roll into the Strip club at 8. The previous day we set out to hit the strip club at about 3 and ended up not getting to one about 8 or 9. This was one of our indicators that God hates us. The SECOND time we tried it the same shit happened. Weird.
Anyway, we get to the strip club at about 8. The girls were young and I thought mostly hot but Sinn regards any girl without a D cup a “mutant.”
Lucky for us our cocktail waittress is an HB10. True blue HB10. Absolutely gorgeous.
I get bored while he’s gaming and start choding out by giving dollars away. Sinn tells the waittress that I dragged him here. That I love strip clubs and I’m a pervert that’s why I keep going up there with dollars begging for some female love and attention.
As soon as I pull money out of my pocket the dancers heads’ snap in my direction. They angle their little noses up and sniff the air. I swear they can fucking smell dollar bills.
Before I know it I’m swarmed by a gaggle of 21-year old hard bodied strippers trying to crack my frame. I try my damnedest to turn off their programming. I decide to have fun and sell my $20 sunglasses for $40.00 – I almost had the sale, too – money was in her hand, exchange about to be made when her ADD kicked in (or she smelled fresh money come out of someone’s pocket.)
Sinn finally number closes his girl in between telling her that I drive a camaro and wear wife beaters and troll high school playgrounds for dates.
We cab it to the infamous x-bar. Busy enough. Their are 3 waittresses their who love me but I have some retarded emotional block about properly gaming them. It sucks.
On the way we played “How many girls that CJ has already banged will be there” I said over-under 3. Turns out it was 2 and two that I got LMR from.
Sinn drinks.
We order food. I get cheese sticks and he gets potato wedges (foreshadowing).
Sinn drinks more.
Sinn opens a set. She looked hot from far away and sitting down but gained 25 pounds upon standing up.
Sinn drinks more.
So does CJ.
We’re looking for sets. A tall hot blonde strolls by. We simultaneously open “You’re very tall” and then bust out laughing. She laughs too but keeps on walking. She’s lucky, she almost got spit-roasted.
Sinn drinks more.
Twitchy and Fidelio roll in and Sinn drinks more.
We bullshit for a bit but I’m getting frustrated cause I want to open a set.
I go to the other side and open a cute brunnette with nice ta ta’s using the Chode Destroyer “Omigod, he’d be perfect for you…he’d take you to expensive dinners…call you 15 times a day…send you flowers all the time!”
She says, “No, he wouldn’t because he’s my boyfriend and he doesn’t do any of that.”
We chat a bit more and he leaves to get more drinks at the bar. She’s super attracted. I do a mini-takeaway as a test. She reopens me.
I tell her to come meet my friends. She comes without saying shit to her bf.
I lock-in on the other side and begin hardcore sexual gaming. We make out. Her bf keeps walking by…but he won’t come over. He texts her. We make out again.
While I’m about to throw down my heart melters Fidelio comes over, “Dude, they’re kicking Sinn out. We’re putting him in a cab.” I hand Fidelio my house keys.
I number close the hb and Twitchy and Fidelio offer to take me home. I get in Twitchy’s Toyota Corrola and Fidelio whips out the breathalyzer. CJ is at .16
We get to the Pirate Pad and Sinn is laid out on the couch. While me, Twitchy and Fidelio are making fun of him he sits up and does his best impression of that demon posessed chick in The Exorcist. Half-digested potato wedges grace my couch and carpet.
Twitchy takes pictures. Fidelio keeps calling him a “hippy fag” who can’t handle his liquor.
I text the HB and tell her to come swim with me. She texts back she is trying to lose her BF and she will if she can get him to go home.
I get a text about 3:20 am that says she wants to another time but he’s staying over.
I go swimming by myself mainly to let the apartment air out from Sinn’s gastric juices.
I just got a text from Twitchy. “R.I.P. Pirate Pad Couch.” I texted back, “Dude, a little febreze and it’s good as new.”
~ Captain Jack ~
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I thought deprecating your wing was an overall DLV
I broke one of the Stripper Rules by going up and giving them money so to salvage his own value he had to DLV.
Also, I made it out to be much worse than it actually was because we were joking about it later.
~ CJ ~