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[Asian Playboy] Sexual Anxiety, Part 2

Posted at June 22, 2007

Here’s another great guest article by The Asian Playboy. ~ CJ ~

Ahoy ye scalliwags! I’m recently back from my international travels and- delayed as it is- here’s the promised continuation of my guest article on Sexual Anxiety.

To begin with, you can go here on Captain Jack’s blog to refresh yourself on my exclusive guest article entitled “Is Sexual Anxiety Killing Your Results?”

So let’s begin… HOW does one defeat or at least start the process of managing this debilitating fear that has defeated so many newbie PUAs and stumped the intermediate level guys?

I’m no psychologist or pie-in-the-sky theorist… when it came to Pick Up, becoming better with women, and just getting LAID, I did it the hard way. Through field experience and self-learning. MORE IMPORTANTLY, I called myself out on my weaknesses and OPENING myself up to CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms and input.

So let’s talk sex… I’m going to break it down into some general categories on how to better manage your Sexual Anxiety:

1. Education (formal and informal, but real and field-tested)
2. Inner Game (motivation, self-control, reward vs punishment)
3. Outer Game (the logistics what, where, and how)
4. Exposure & Gradual Pursuit of Sexual Opportunities

I. SEX ED 101

First, when it comes to sex, you need to be EDUCATED. Ignorance breeds fear so you need to start by understanding women AND sex as a connected and related pair versus two separate entities.

I won’t go into the finer details, but let’s establish that I make a marked difference between what I call GENERAL ATTRACTION versus that of SEXUAL ATTRACTION. Maybe you don’t. To which I say, think back to a time when you had a beautiful woman laughing and smiling at you. Obviously attracted, right? You’re feeling good. You da man!

Now think back when she started REALLY touching you, gazing into your eyes, licking her lips, “accidentally” brushing with her breasts, sexual innuendos, RIGHT BEFORE THE KISS… Call it chemistry and the release of Dopamine and Norepinephrine, but to me, there’s a world of difference between when a woman is simply engaged into your story and listening to you versus the seriously different PHYSICAL effects she’s going through in a sexual aroused state like:

1. Elevated Heart Rate
2. Perspiration
3. General Feeling of Sexual Arousal (ie getting wet/hard)
4. Loss of Higher Brain Functions (ie logic)
5. Flushed Skin
6. Sweaty Palms
7. Elation
8. Intense Energy
9. Sleeplessness
10. Craving
11. Loss of Appetite
12. Focused Attention

Therefore to me, General Attraction’s more common and physical signs commonly include:

1. Laughter
2. Feeling of Wellness
3. Feeling of Safety
4. Bonding on Commonalities

In other words, a woman could be ATTRACTED to you, but still not want to SLEEP with you. There’s a big difference in my mind between being a GOOD conversationalist versus being a good SEDUCER. One of them makes you a cool guy to be around… the other makes you a good lover. Sometimes they’re the same. More often they’re not.

But let’s continue. There are CONCRETE and identifiable Sexual Arousal Triggers in a woman that can be consistently and SUCCESSFULLY triggered once you’re past the General Attraction phase and into Sexual Attraction.

Here’s just a few off the top of my head:
1. Erotic Thoughts (conversation leading towards imagining sex)
2. Visual perception (how the other looks);
3. Olfaction (how the other smells, naturally or artificially; the wrong smell may be repellent);
4. Audition (how the other’s voice and/or movements sound).

* EROTIC THOUGHTS

Now here’s the thing about the Sexual Arousal Trigger that is Erotic Thoughts which is both the boon and bane of average and even some advanced PUAs. Some guys become routine monkeys, that on one hand have allowed an average PUA to advance from neophyte to somewhat competent, but are limited in their arsenal in the different ways to turn a woman on.

In other words, conversation is just one way to turn her on so learn to be more physical instead of limiting yourself to only one method of seduction. Shoot from all barrels versus being overly dependent upon one form of arousal.

Of course, this is why Speed Seduction, the Gunwitch Method, and similar mentalities and use of sexual story telling comes into play and can be highly useful.

* VISUAL PERCEPTION

When it comes to Visual Perception, there are a limited number of things you can do. And yes, I do believe looks matter… to a certain degree. It’s not the ultimate factor, but it helps when you present the RIGHT look. In other words, you can still get the girl if you’re a fat slob, but you WILL have to work harder.

For example: getting a better wardrobe is, in my opinion, far easier to do and once done can be EASILY maintained without any work on your part. Think of it as PASSIVE VALUE (ie you don’t have to TRY and make her attracted, you already are making her attracted to you with what you currently have) versus ACTIVE VALUE (ie you’re actively engaging her and actively working her Attraction Switches as well as Sexual Arousal Triggers… in other words you’re doing work and if there’s one thing I- the world’s laziest PUA- hate is work…).

Other things might be simply losing or gaining weight and muscle, better hair, tanning, and whitening the teeth. Pretty simple things that take only a modicum of effort, time, and pain to improve (well, not the working out part).

Other aspects include:

1. Body Language

I think Verbal Game is very important, but I don’t think it’s the END ALL BE ALL. Having the right body language for the right situation is essential to subcommunicate what you want about yourself. Be it playfulness, confidence, and emoting with your face, having mastery of your body can easily enhance one’s verbal prowess.

Another aspect of Visual Perception is:

2. Dancing

That’s right, I said it… dancing. It’s the dreaded D-word that incites terror and nightmares into those who are afflicted with the disease known as C.R.D. Tough.

It’s almost an unwritten truism that you DO NOT OPEN ON THE DANCE FLOOR which has somehow morphed into this belief that a PUA should never work the dance floor. Poppy-fucking-cock I say.

I am far from a good dancer, but I have taken a few classes and can fake competency. And if there’s one thing OTHER than being Socially Proofed & Pre-Selected by Women that projects HIGH SEXUAL VALUE is the ability to MOVE and to DANCE.

So yeah, learn how to fucking dance. I don’t APPROACH on the dance floor, but I’ve used it to isolate, escalate, and successfully pull a Same Night Lay or simply to close the deal on a date. It’s an awesome, inexpensive skill that you can achieve some competence within six (6) months.

Your best choices are to learn hip-hop and salsa. Ballroom and swing are decent to learn some basic moves, rhythm and body language, but only if you don’t have it in your area as a secondary choice. Better dancing means better body language to boot.

* OLFACTION

Women naturally have more sensitive sense of smell than us men. They also respond to certain testosterone derivatives in our (fresh) sweat that causes the secretion of dopamine in their brain that makes them more aroused.

General word of advice (and no, don’t go out and buy yourself those scam pheromone colognes) is to avoid smelling bad. Curiously, I’ve never once been denied because I smoked.

Not a whole lot more you can do other than being clean and throwing on cologne. I’ve heard about putting on baby oil (never did that), wearing women’s perfume (never intentionally did that), etc. One thing I did find was using strong scented body wash that matches your cologne. It’s something you rub all over yourself and she’ll smell all over your body (I’ve been told I smell like “snow”).

* AUDITION

Audition isn’t quite like the “Erotic Thoughts” Sexual Arousal Trigger but somewhat similar. It has more to do with one of the most powerful tools in a man’s arsenal, his TONALITY.

Your tonality projects a huge amount of information about you like:

i. Personality

ii. Mood

iii. Educational Level

iv. Culture

v. Sexual Intent

vi. Etc

I also think it’s important to identify that there are different types of tonalities. One of which is the Sexual Tonality that can cause a woman to be TURNED ON. Some attributes of a sexy voice (think Barry White) include:

i. Deep voice (bass)

ii. Projecting from the diaphragm (commanding and dominant)

iii. Volume control (whispering sensually versus deafening)

iv. Suspense (intentionally elongating your words)

v. Judicious use of pauses

vi. Speed (slow versus fast)

vii. Etc

Thus, forewarned is forearmed. The point of this portion of the “Sexual Anxiety” series is understanding that fear and anxiety comes from a lack of understanding and education. In order to get better at anything- be it picking up women or riding a motorcycle- you need to start with some basic level of understanding Sexual Arousal and the BELIEF that you can indeed not only turn her on, but should do so as it is your right and privilege as a man!

But more on that in the next future article about “Sexual Anxiety, Inner Game, and You.”

The Asian Playboy
http://theasianplyboy.blogspot.com

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