Crazy Ex-Boyfriends and Jesus Christ

Posted at February 23, 2007

This was the first time I’ve been out since mid-January (except the 2 nights in Orlando). I’ve been working my ass off, reading and just thinking about how my life is going to look over the next few years.

El Topo and I got attacked!

Actually, the crazy ex-boyfriend attacked my rental car. But, that was at 4am. Let’s back up a bit. I didn’t feel like going out on Tuesday night but I need to knock the rust off for my trip to Australia. Everything close to me is dead on Tuesdays so I didn’t expect much. Little did I realize that it was Fat Tuesday!

El Topo arrived close to midnight.

He noticed a girl in his extended social circle and opened her up. I was in the middle of a social status chess match with the hottest girl in the bar at the time and he brought his social circle girl over so we wouldn’t look like two dudes trying to pick up girls.

It worked really well. She was hot, probably an HB9 by most people’s standards, a tan blonde with perky tits and a nice booty.

Her friend, though, was an UG4 stripper. How on earth she’s a stripper I’ll never know. Anyway, she was all over me but there’s no point in doing an ugly stripper.

But, we still used them as social proof. El Topo got opened by a cute redhead and number closed her with the boyfriend just a few tables away. This is becoming El Topo’s trademark. I’ve heard and witnessed this a few times now.

I sarged the hottest girl in there twice but couldn’t get to qualification because she was literally being sarged by about 8 guys. Everytime one would leave another would take his place. Then, I realized I was one of them! Sucks! So I decided I had to change strategies and acted like I liked the Stripper.

This indeed made my target a bit jealous and she started dancing sexy about 3 feet away to get my attention.

So I left. Haa. I went to the other side hoping there was yet another girl to attract so I could make her jealous. That didn’t work because 300lb mammoths don’t make hot girls jealous.

I talked to her once more but lost her attention – again.

Ok, so it’s the end of the night. My Target, the Redhead and El Topo’s HB were literally the only sarge worthy girls in there. I later found out that a new bar/club opened up that very night and that was where the hottest girls were.

As El Topo and I chatted outside we noticed his set talking to a cab driver. He debated whether to go over there or not because he had to be up early. But, like a champ he went over and I followed.

I agreed to drive them home thinking I could bounce them to my place and give El Topo a chance to close his girl.

But, as soon as we got in the car the HB got on the phone.

I had them in my parking lot and was going to attempt to bring them inside but they started acting weird. So, I pulled away.

About halfway there the Strippers crazy ass ex-bf called her and wanted to know where the f*ck she was, blah, blah, blah.

To make a long story short(er) the weirdo was waiting in the parking lot for her. I decided to have fun and taunted him. He followed us, tried to cut us off in the parking lot and yelling. The highlight of the nite was when I got behind him and beeped my horn and flashed the lights at him. He hopped out of his truck and kicked the car as we laughed and sped away.

At the gas station we looked at the side of my rental car (my car is shit so I’m not driving it anymore) and there wasn’t even a dent. WTF? I had some good laughs about it.

Last night (thurs.) KinoMaster, Topo and I were at the new place. I wussed out on sarging a girl who I got LMR from a few months ago who is a waittress at another place I frequent. Fidelio gives me shit about this (as he should) because she still likes me but I dont’ do shit about it.

Topo opened a 3set. Turns out his Target was married and in some kind of weird marriage where she goes to clubs and he goes to buffalo wild wings.

I wing the obstacle and end up pulling her to IHOP and meeting Topo there. Even though she’s an HB4 I kind of like her tits and I’m feeling like I should do it, just to do it. Topo leaves and we stay there another 10-15 minutes. We are holding hands, etc. We get in the car and talk for a bit and then I try to k-close.

I get the cheek and then she looks at me and says, “Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?”

Fun times.

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